By June, no agent or publisher has expressed interest. Many have not even acknowledged receiving my email. Is ghosting the new NO THANKS? I am slightly dismayed and surprised, but feel weirdly optimistic anyway. I’ve just missed the zeitgeist, that’s all. My moment for these books has passed or is about to arrive. I wait with bated breath and keep sending them out. I am proud but not so proud I don’t tell everyone, including my youngest grandchildren and the lady who works in the post office, that I feel like a wall flower – rejected and unwanted. Wah!
And yet, the weird optimism remains. I cannot shake the feeling this is a temporary state of affairs and soon I will see those books in a Waterstones window. When that happens I will go back to acting humble and lucky, but in reality feel smug. I’d gotten profoundly used to that feeling and want it back. It’s so undignified, being rejected.